Merty and the Magikarp
by Cruton
Summary: A guy named Merty lives in interesting times. This involves a genetically-enhanced magikarp, the psychopathic daughter of Ash Ketchem, and a mech-toting Team Rocket.
1. Default Chapter

Merty and the Magikarp: Episode One  
A Pokemon FanFic  
By Cruton (cruton@juno.com)  
Pre-read by Edgeknight(edgeknight@earthlink.net) and Dragon   
Angel(gohan_wolf@yahoo.com)  
  
Pokemon and all concepts thereof are a copyright of the Nintendo Corporation. Satoshi   
Tajiri created the original concept. Based on the animated series "Pokemon", developed   
by Satoshi Tajiri and Tsunekazu Ishihara.  
  
This is the part where I throw you a bunch of BS about this fic not actually "stealing   
point blank", but being created as a "tribute to the original series."  
  
--------  
  
(Open on a city neighborhood, at the break of dawn. A light rain is falling and creating a   
mist on the streets. Pan over to a specific house. The name Carenson is on the mailbox.   
Cut to the inside of a bedroom. Clothes are strewn over the floor. Various posters of   
martial arts actors and anime babes are on the walls. In the far corner, a desk is buried   
under a pile of opened books and binders. The form of a body is seen under the   
bedcovers. Suddenly, a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair and green eyes,   
holding a laundry basket, bursts in.)  
  
Mrs. Carenson (woman with basket): Merty! For the seventh time, wake up!  
  
Merty (in the bed) (inter.): Mom, just five more—  
  
Mrs. Carenson (con't): You'll be late for your test!  
  
(Merty springs up out of bed, throwing off the covers. He is lank, in his late teen years,   
with dirty blond hair and green eyes. He is only dressed in a pair of boxer shorts.)  
  
Merty: The test!  
  
-----------  
  
Episode title: A Door Shut, A Window Opened.  
  
----------  
  
(Cut to a hallway. Merty runs by, hastily pulling on a school uniform and holding a   
briefcase in his mouth. Running down the stairs, he trips. In mid-air, he quickly buttons   
up his coat and catches his briefcase. He lands on his feet at the bottom of the stairs and   
keeps going.)  
  
Merty: Mary! Juice!  
  
(Merty runs into a kitchen. A brown-haired girl, sitting at the table with her face buried in   
a book, nonchalantly tosses a glass of orange juice at him. He catches the glass without   
spilling any and drinks it all up. He runs out of the kitchen into the yard. There, a middle   
aged man with blond hair and a younger boy who looks like Merty are holding a   
pokemon match, with a sandshrew and a rattata, respectfully. Merty runs past them,   
leaving a trail of dust and a glass in the younger boy's hands.)  
  
Mr. Carenson (man with sandshrew): Good luck on the test.  
  
Merty: Thanks, dad!  
  
(Merty runs out of the yard and onto the open street. Switch to the interior of a classroom.   
Students, both girls and boys, are quietly taking a test. Outside, there is the sound of feet   
running, followed by the screech of a sliding body, and a loud clash. A few minutes later,   
Merty enters the room with a large red mark on the left side of his face and wet marks on   
his coat.)  
  
Merty (sotto voice): Dang wet floors…  
  
Procter: Merty Carenson?  
  
Merty: Ah…yes, sir.  
  
Proctor: Seat seven, row three.  
  
(Merty sits down in the seat. Next to him, a petite girl, with brown-red hair and emerald   
eyes, giggles and smiles at him. Merty scowls, pulls out a pencil, and focuses on his test.   
  
Switch to the exterior schoolyard. It has stopped raining. Students are milling out of the   
school, chatting with each other. The odd pokemon battle is taking place here and there.   
Merty dogged sits on a bench and sighs. The girl who was in the desk next to him comes   
over and sits down.)  
  
Susan (girl): Hey, Merty.  
  
Merty (coldly): Hello, Classmate Oak.  
  
Susan: Are you feeling okay? You look pretty beat up.  
  
Merty: If you must know, I stayed up late studying. I was a little tired this morning and   
overslept.  
  
Susan: I'd say. You were lucky the proctor even let you take the test, considering how   
late you were. (concerned) Did you get enough done of the problems done?  
  
(Merty just sits there in silence.)  
  
Susan: Well, it was just a scholarship test, anyway. You're smart enough that any college   
will probably be glad to give a school scholarship to you. Or you could try pokemon   
training, like me. I already got my license and once I pass the city school requirements I   
can—  
  
(Merty gives her a cold, dead glare.)  
  
Susan (embarrassed.): Oh, I'm sorry. Here you are, with your concerns, and I start   
babbling about my—  
  
Merty (inter.): Goodbye, Classmate Oak. My parents will be expecting me home soon.  
  
(Merty stands up and starts to walk away. Susan also stands up.)  
  
Susan: Merty, I was wondering…Since we have no homework over the weekend, what   
with the school year closing, do you want to…aahh…  
  
(Merty quietly walks away. A dramatic wind sweeps by in his wake.)  
  
Susan (con't):…go out…  
  
(Susan drops her head and starts to walk in the opposite direction as Merty went.)  
  
Susan (sotto voice): Why does he seem to hate me so?  
  
Merty (voice over): Susan Oak? She's a phony, sanctimonious jerk if I ever saw one.   
Always acting so sweet and nice. Always rubbing it in when people mess up on things.   
(Imitating Susan) "There, there. I'm sure it will get better." And she won't leave me   
alone. It's like she's obsessed with me!  
  
(Cut to the Carenson's kitchen. The family is sitting around the table, eating dinner.   
Various pokemon, including the rattata and the sandshrew from before, are eating on the   
floor. Merty has his eyes clenched shut, holding his fist up dramatically.)  
  
Mrs. Carenson: Funny. She also seemed like a very nice girl to me. Rather polite and   
sensitive, I thought. And it always struck me as if she had a bit of a crush on you.  
  
(Merty facefaults, falling out of his chair.)  
  
Merty (under the table): Mom, be serious.  
  
Mr. Carenson: So, how'd the test go?  
  
Merty (picking himself up from under the table.): Not Good. I didn't get there on time   
and wasn't able to complete it. I mean, yeah, they don't expect you to get all the   
problems, but I was twenty-five questions from the end.  
  
Mr. Carenson: Well, that'll teach ya' to not overkill on the studying. You'll just have to   
give a better try next chance ya' get.  
  
Merty: I guess I will. But I don't think I'll will get as good a chance as that. I mean, the   
Wairding-Hayle Scholarship…  
  
(The family eats in silence for a few moments. The younger siblings look at both Merty   
and the parents expectantly.)  
  
Merty: Are you sure we can't—  
  
Mrs. Carenson: No, Merty. We both know that there is no way me and your father can   
pay for your entire college education.  
  
(Merty slumps in his chair, saddened. Mrs. Carenson puts down her fork.)  
  
Mrs. Carenson: Merty, I didn't want to mention this, but your grades haven't exactly   
been great and now this test…  
  
Merty: Mom, please, don't.  
  
Mr. Carenson: No, Merty, both your mom and me talked about this. It's time for you to   
take up pokemon training.  
  
Merty: But—  
  
Mrs. Carenson: We know you don't want to, but we also don't have enough money to   
send you to college without you getting a scholarship.  
  
Mr. Carenson: And you have better prospects as a trainer than most. Not many others   
have a family business in it.  
  
Merty (thinking): Yeah. Like I want to spend my life catching catching rattita and   
caterpies for market sale. (Out loud) But I just can't. I look at the world around me and I   
know I have to do something to change it, to make it better. And pokemon trainers do not   
make the world a better place…No offense, dad.  
  
Mr. Carenson: None taken. But how?  
  
(Merty starts to say something, but stops and slouches back in his chair.   
  
Fade to a downtown city street. It is early in the morning again. A heavy rain is pouring.   
Merty is walking down the street, covering himself with a sports coat. He's changed from   
the school uniform to jeans and a white T-shirt. He stops in front of an office building   
and bends over to read something on the wall.  
  
Merty's POV: A plaque is on the wall. It reads:  
  
1st Floor: Information Desk  
2nd Floor: Dr. Jay Cauld, chiropractor; Tellisto File Services  
3rd Floor: The Twerty City Times  
4th Floor: Big Bob's Magic Voodoo Plant House  
5th Floor: Prof. Rotodendrine's Pokemon Research Lab  
6th Floor: Land Shark  
  
Normal View: Merty walks into the building. Inside is a large foyer, with elevators on the   
sidewalls. Merty folds up his coat and walks into the nearest elevator. He presses the   
button for the 5th floor. He emerges from the elevator into a neutral gray hallway, filled   
with nondescript doors. He steps up to the first one and tentatively knocks on it.)  
  
Merty: Professor Rotodendrine?  
  
(On the other side of the hall, one of the doors opens and a man sticks his head out. His   
head is completely covered by a large, gray beard, with a pair of glass showing through.)  
  
Prof. Rotodendrine (man): Yes? Is someone out here?  
  
Merty: (calling) I'm down here, Professor!  
  
(Prof. Rotodendrine looks in the opposite direction of Merty.)  
  
Prof. Rotodendrine: Ah! There you are! I assume you've come here to receive a trainer's   
license?  
  
Merty: Ahhh…yes, sir.  
  
Prof. Rotodendrine: Please, come in! Come in!  
  
(Merty walks down to the professor. Rotodendrine stares at him at him, not moving out   
of the doorway.)  
  
Merty: Um…professor?  
  
Prof. Rotodendrine: One would wonder why you didn't use the front door.  
  
(Merty stares at Rotodendrine incredulously.)  
  
Prof. Rotodendrine: Oh, no bother. Might as well come inside as long as you're here.  
  
(Rotodendrine grabs Merty, still bewildered, into his laboratory. Inside, Rotodendrine's   
laboratory is a single large room, filled with a random assortment of machinery. Various   
pokemon are ambling around, a few stopping to stare at Merty. Rotodendrine leads Merty   
over to computer terminal and sits down at it.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Now. Name, please.  
  
Merty: M-Merty. Merty Carenson.  
  
Rotodendrine: Native of Twerty City?  
  
Merty: Yes.  
  
Rotodendrine: Age?  
  
Merty Seventeen years old.  
  
Rotodendrine: Sex?  
  
Merty: Male.  
  
(Rotodendrine pulls out a camera, connected to the terminal by a wire, and takes a picture   
of Merty without a word. He turns back to the consul.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Desired beginning pokemon?  
  
Merty: What are the choices?  
  
Rotodendrine: Zapdos, Articuno, and Moltres.  
  
(Merty blinks.)  
  
Merty: Really?  
  
(Rotodendrine inputs something into the consul.)  
  
Rotodendrine (while typing): "Extremely gullible."  
  
Merty: Hey!  
  
Rotodendrine: Just kidding, just kidding! Seriously, we have bulbasaur, totodile, and   
sandshrew. Which one do you choose?  
  
Merty: Well…oh…I don't know. What do you recommend?  
(Pause.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Why do you want to become a pokemon trainer?  
  
Merty: I beg your pardon?  
  
Rotodendrine: Normally, when someone comes to get their pokemon license, they're   
much younger and pretty sure about what they want for their starting pokemon. You have   
thus far failed in both respects. Now, tell me.  
  
(Merty slouches down on a piece of machinery.)  
  
Merty: It's my family. Kinda. I have this problem with—  
  
(Rotodendrine holds one of his hands up.)  
  
Rotodendrine: (inter) Say no more.  
  
Merty: What?! I thought you wanted to know.  
  
Rotodendrine: I already do. I've heard this story several times already. It's probably some   
kind of social trend that I should bother to record. So spare us both the melodramatic   
monologue.  
  
Merty: Well, why should you care, then?  
  
Rotodendrine: Because I have what you might call a special service that you might be   
interested in. Come with me.  
  
(Rotodendrine stands up and walks away. He motions for Merty to follow him, which   
Merty does. Somewhere in the lab, a chansey starts to trill the tune to Absolute Destiny   
Apocalypse by Zum. Rotodendrine stops and listens to it.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Oh, just a moment, please.  
  
(Rotodendrine grabs a random piece of metal and, with one smooth motion, tosses it into   
the deeper part of the lab. This is followed by the sound of the metal impacting with   
something and the sound of a body falling down.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Chansey has insisted on humming that annoying little tune whenever I do   
this. I can't possibly understand why.  
  
(Rotodendrine starts to walk again, followed by Merty. They leave the lab and emerge   
into the hallway. Rotodendrine walks up one of the doors on the opposite side of the   
hallway and unlocks it. He and Merty walk into it. On the other side is another large   
room. It is similar to Rotodendrine's lab, except that all the machinery is cloaked in   
shadows. The only exception to this is a single pedestal, illuminated by a light directly   
above it. Rotodendrine motions towards it.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Here.  
  
Merty: What is this?  
  
Rotodendrine: A little side project of mine.  
  
(Merty and Rotodendrine walk over to the pedestal. On it are five holders, four of them   
empty. The last one holds a pokeball. The pokeball is purple and white, four yellow   
ridges running across the top and the bottom. The locking mechanism is unusually large,   
comprise of a profuse trigger and two slide locks reaching around the side. The words   
"Subject 3" are written on the front.)  
  
Merty: A second-generation hyperball?  
  
Rotodendrine: Blue apricorn constructed, too. It's a necessary…precaution.  
  
Merty: What is this? What do you want me to do with this?  
  
Rotodendrine: This is a side project of mine. Not quite official, you see.  
  
Merty: Hey, you didn't say anything about breaking the law!  
  
Rotodendrine: I didn't say that this is illegal. It's just…looked down upon.  
  
(Rotodendrine picks up the pokeball.)  
  
Rotodendrine: The enhancement of an organism through genetic manipulation at the   
zygote stage.  
  
Merty: (confused)…Come again?  
  
Rotodendrine: A super pokemon.  
  
(Rotodendrine presses the pokeball into Merty's hands.)  
  
Rotodendrine: Before you say anything, I don't want you to think that you're carrying   
around a mew in there. It's just a normally weak pokemon that's been given a better   
chance at competing.  
  
Merty: Um…okay. What do you want me to do with this?  
  
Rotodendrine: Take it out on the road for a year or so. Train it. See how it can perform.   
Test it out against a few gym leaders if you can.  
  
Merty: Like a normal pokemon journey.  
  
Rotodendrine: Exactly. And when you get back, we can discuss the cost of a college   
education.  
  
(Merty stares at Rotodendrine questioningly.)  
  
Rotodendrine: I told you already, I've heard it four times before.  
  
Merty: There are other's without pokeballs like this?  
  
Rotodendrine: But of course! What's the point of doing an experiment with only one test   
subject?   
  
(Pause.)  
  
Rotodendrine: So, are you in?  
  
(Rotodendrine offers his hand to Merty. Merty smiles, shrinks the pokeball, puts it in his   
pocket, and shakes Rotodendrine's hand.)  
  
Merty: I'm in.  
  
Rotodendrine: Good. Now, let's go get your fingerprints registered on the trigger.  
  
Merty: Fingerprint based locking system? Are you trying to keep something is this or   
someone out of it?  
  
Rotodendrine: Yes. Now, let's get your 'prints registered and get you a pokemon license.  
  
(Fade to a bedroom. Laundry is piled over in a corner. A dresser is by the door, covered   
with make-up and an alarm clock, which is shaped like a cat. Through a window, it can   
be seen that it is late afternoon. An eevee is sleeping on the bed. A computer screen is the   
only source of light in the room. Susan is sitting at the computer, dressed in slippers, a   
baggy T-shirt, and bathrobe. She is mechanically munching on some chips and watching   
the screen. The door opens and a much older Gary Oak walks in.)  
  
Gary: Sue?  
  
(Susan puts the chips down on the computer desk and swivels her chair around to face   
Gary.)  
  
Susan: Oh, hey dad.  
  
Gary: You've been in here for a while. What are you doing that's so important that you   
missed dinner? And we both know that, with high school over, homework is not a viable   
excuse.  
  
(Susan blushes and fidgets in her chair, pulling her bathrobe closer around herself.)  
  
Susan: I'm just downloading another episode of Doctor Who. I guess I didn't feel hungry   
enough for dinner.  
  
(Gary cocks an eyebrow towards the bag of chips, which Susan quickly hides behind her   
back. Gary gives an amused laugh and sits down on the bed, causing the eevee to wake   
up suddenly.)  
  
Gary: I cannot figure out why you like that old television show so much. How can you   
even understand it? It's all in English.  
  
Susan: I just do. And it's subtitled.  
  
(Pause.)  
  
Gary: Why are you hiding in here, Sue?  
  
Susan: (indignant) I'm not hiding! I just feel like being alone.  
  
Gary: It's that Carenson boy, isn't it?  
  
Susan: (small) What about him?  
  
Gary: Don't play that with me. It's written all over you. I can't figure out why you like   
that boy so much.  
  
Susan: I…I don't know. He's just nice, you know? He just so sweet and poetic and kinda   
cute…  
  
(Gary arched an eyebrow questioningly.)  
  
Gary: He's always struck me as being a bit of a jackass. And not much of a talker, hardly   
poetic.  
  
Susan: Like I said, I just really don't know. I just like being around him.  
  
(Gary stands up from the bed.)  
  
Gary: Well, I guess there's not much for it. Just remember that there are other fish in the   
sea. And feel free to come get some of your mother's cold teriyaki beef when you feel   
like something healthier than potato chips.  
  
(Gary walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. Susan turns back to the   
computer.)  
  
Susan: Other fish is the sea? I suppose so. But I'm not giving up on this one just yet. I   
just have to find someway to make him open up. He's just so guarded. If he just knew   
what a nice couple we could be, than-  
  
(Susan pauses and smiles craftily. She fiddles around with the mouse on the computer   
and begins to type.  
  
Switch to Merty walking down the street. He's staring at the pokeball from Professor   
Rotodendrine.)  
  
Merty: (thinking) Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sign up for this so quickly. I   
haven't even checked what's inside of this ball, I'm so paranoid. Why would he make a   
pokeball with padlocks?  
  
(A boy walks by, sees Merty, and gives him a thumbs up.)  
  
Boy: Way to go, Carenson!  
  
(Merty looks at the boy, confused, and continues walking. He passes by another boy, who   
shakes his head in shame at Merty.)  
  
Boy #2: Mert, how could you?  
  
Merty: Ah…what are you talking about?  
  
Boy #2: Oh, don't act like you don't know.  
  
(The second boy keeps walking away. Merty stops and turns around to face him.)  
  
Merty: I seriously don't!  
  
(Two girls walk by, see Merty, and start to giggle between themselves. Merty spins   
around to face them.)  
  
Merty: What is all of this about?  
  
Girl #1: You should know, Carenson.  
  
Merty: Well, I obviously don't!  
  
Girl #2: This.  
  
(The second girl pulls a sheet of paper from her backpack and offers it to Merty.)  
  
Girl #2: Everybody in the class received this e-mail from (winks) Sue Oak.  
  
(Merty puts the pokeball away, takes the piece of paper, and reads it. Soon after, it   
crumples in his hands, tearing slightly down the middle.)  
  
Merty: (coldly) And this is from Classmate Oak, you said?  
  
Girl #2: Yea.  
  
Girl #1: We should've known it was all an act with you. How could anyone be so cold to   
such a sweet girl?  
  
Merty: Do you happen to know where Classmate Oak is right now?  
  
Girl #2: At the pokemon gym, I think.  
  
Merty: Thank you.  
  
(Merty runs off.)  
  
Girl #2: (calling) Now, don't smother her, Romeo!  
  
(Switch to a large dome-like building. "Twerty City Pokemon Gym" is written on the   
front.  
  
Int. The gym is a large round room with a dirt floor, several pokemon battlefields drawn   
on the floor. Trainers, many of them kids, are talking to each other and occasionally   
dueling. Vendors and gym offices are lined up along the wall. Susan, now wearing her   
school uniform again, is talking amongst a group of teenagers. Merty marches up.)  
  
Merty: Classmate Oak? Can we talk?  
  
Susan: Oh, hey, Merty.  
  
(Susan walks over and takes hold of Merty's arm, much to his surprise.)  
  
Susan: Of course we can talk.  
  
Merty: (unnerved) A-alone, please.  
  
(Several of the teens start to talk between themselves, a few chuckling.)  
  
Susan: No problem.  
  
(Susan and Merty walk over to the side of the gym. Merty pulls his arms out from hers   
along the way. The stop and face each other in a small side-space between two offices.   
Merty pulls out a piece of paper and thrusts it in Susan's face.)  
  
Merty: Explain.  
  
Susan: I believe I e-mailed every member of our class and told them that we have just   
gone steady.  
  
Merty: B-but, why?!  
  
Susan: As I see it, you have two options. You can expose me as a liar and subject us both   
to much humiliation. Or, you can play along. Who knows? You might enjoy being my   
boyfriend.  
  
(Merty stares at her, absolutely shocked.)  
  
Merty: What could possibly make you think this was a good idea!  
  
Susan: You wouldn't give me any other chance! You're practically a walking cold   
shoulder!  
  
Merty: Why didn't you just come out with it?! I had no idea!  
  
Susan: I've been trying for two years! What else could I possibly do?!  
  
Merty: Well, for one, you could not use Rumiko Takehashi as a relationship counselor!  
  
(Pause.)  
  
Susan: I don't know who that is.  
  
Merty: Neither do I. It just popped out…Look, you have figure out someway to undo-  
  
Voice: Susan Oak?  
  
(Susan and Merty turn around. Standing in the middle of gym is a slim, tall, attractive   
girl, with dark blue hair. She's dressed in hiking boots; khaki hot pants; a rather tight   
white tanktop; an official pokemon cap; and a black strap on her left arm, which is   
holding pokeballs.)  
  
Susan: (taken aback) Um…can I help you?  
  
(The girl pulls off a single pokeball and expands it.)  
  
Claire (girl): I, Claire Ketchem of Pallet town, challenge you to a pokemon battle.  
Susan: K-Ketchem? As in Ash Ketchem?  
  
Claire: Yes. I am the daughter of Ash Ketchem. And I have traveled far to challenge the   
scion of the infamous Gary Oak.  
  
Susan: Why?  
  
Claire: To prove once and for all which family is greatest at pokemon training. Do you   
accept my challenge? (teasingly) Or are you too caught up with your little beau over there   
to battle?  
  
Merty: (to Susan) Who is this? And where did you get a family rivalry?  
  
Susan: (to Merty) I've never met her before. Dad mentioned some guy named Ash   
Ketchem once or twice, but I didn't think they competed like this.  
  
Claire: (con't) I can understand if hormones are more important to you than pokemon.   
Your dad was the same way, wasn't he? A notorious womanizer if there ever was one.   
Must run in family.  
  
(Susan turns red with anger and whips out a pokeball from behind her back.)  
  
Susan: That's it! Nobody insults the Oak Family honor! I accept your challenge.  
  
(Claire smirks victoriously.)  
  
Claire: Central battlefield, in five minutes. You may choose the type of match.  
  
(Susan snaps out of her anger for a second, looks at her pokeball, and smiles sheepishly.)  
  
Susan: Um…Is a single pokemon match alright?  
  
Claire: Agree, then. You have five minutes to prepare what you need.  
  
(Claire walks away, the crowd parting to let her through. Susan looks down at her   
pokeball.)  
  
Susan: (sotto) I only have one. I hope you can do it, Eevee.  
  
Merty: Classmate Oak?  
  
(Susan turns around to face Merty.)  
  
Merty: Now, do you have idea how you ca-  
  
Susan: Not now! I've got a match to fight. (winks) Wish me luck, darling.  
  
Merty: Go sodomized yourself.  
  
(Merty turns his noise up and walks away. Susan sighs to herself.)  
  
Susan: (sotto voice) I should've expected him to take it this way. I really was desperate   
about this. Maybe Dad was right.  
  
(Susan walks off towards the center of the gym.  
  
Switch to Claire standing at a field, meditatively holding a pokeball. A crowd is forming   
around the field.)  
  
Claire: (sotto voice) I will prove myself, Father.  
  
(Susan emerges from the crowd, taking her place at the opposite end of the field.)  
  
Claire: (sotto voice) And I will do so by defeating one of the great Oaks, the Ketchem's   
greatest rivals, truly extraordinary trainers. (Out loud.) Are you ready?  
  
Susan: Yes.  
  
Claire: You may chose your pokemon first.  
  
(Susan holds her pokeball in front of her face and expands it. She then lowers it and   
cradles it to her chest. She spins in place, pirouetting slightly. At the end of the spin, she   
whips the pokeball out in her right hand.)  
  
Susan: Go, Eevee!  
  
(The ball strikes the ground of the field, opening and releasing Eevee in a flash of energy.   
The ball returns to Susan's hand. Eevee bristles menacingly towards Claire.)  
  
Claire: (sotto voice) An unevolved eevee, just like Gary Oak used! I have to be on my   
guard.  
  
(Claire pulls a pokeball off of her arm harness and pulls it behind her back, expanding it.   
Close up on her eyes, then shift over to the pokeball, just as she pitches it forward. Zoom   
out, to show Claire with her right arm thrown all the way out and her left leg swung out   
behind her.)  
  
Claire: I choose you, Weepinbell!  
  
(Claire's pokeball hits the ground in front of Eevee and opens up. Weepinbell appears in   
a flash of energy. The pokeball flies back into Claire's hands. Weepinbell stares at Eevee   
dumbly. A student, acting as the referee, walks up. He raises his left arm.)  
  
Student: This is a one on one pokemon battle. No time limit. The match will end when   
one pokemon is incapable of battle or leaves the field. Begin!  
  
(The student referee drops his hand.)  
  
Susan: Eevee, tackle attack!  
  
(Eevee runs forwards and headbutts the weepinbell. Weepinbell is knocked into the air   
and lands a few feet away, no worse of the wear.)  
  
Claire: Weepinbell, return the favor with a slam attack!  
  
Susan: Avoid it with your agility!  
  
(Weepinbell jumps up and falls down on Eevee. Eevee disappears in a blur, causing   
Weepinbell to hit empty air. Eevee reappears a few feet away to the left. Weepinbell tries   
to jump on it, only to have Eevee avoid it in the same way, reappearing a few feet in front   
of it. Weepinbell prepares to jump again.)  
  
Claire: Weepinbell, stop! Use your razor leaf attack instead!  
  
Susan: Eevee, keep up Agility. You're doing great!  
  
(Weepinbell jumps back to the far end of the field. It whips two leaves from its sides,   
sending them spinning towards Eevee. Right before the leaves hit, Eevee blurs away,   
letting the leaves bounce off of the ground. Eevee appears a few feet to the front of where   
it was. Suddenly, it slumps down in pain.)  
  
Susan: Eevee!  
  
(A thin line of blood appears on Eevee's left flank. Claire smirks to herself.)  
  
Claire: It's fast, but it's not fast enough. Weepinbell, hit it with another razor leaf attack!  
  
(Weepinbell throws two more spinning leaves at Eevee.)  
  
Susan: Eevee, forget about using agility! Just block them with your reflect!  
  
(A pale yellow energy dome appears around Eevee. However, it dissolves with no   
resistance when the leaves hit it. The leaves criss-cross Eevee's chest.)  
  
Eevee: (pained) Eeee…  
  
(Eevee falls to the ground.)  
  
Susan: Oh no! Eevee, return!  
  
(Eevee turns back into energy and is sucked back into its pokeball.)  
  
Susan: (to the pokeball) I'm sorry, Eevee. I should've known better. You rest now. (to   
Claire) I guess the battle's yours.  
  
Claire: (confused) That was it?  
  
Susan: Huh?  
  
Claire: That's all you've got? I've come all this way for that?  
  
Susan: (annoyed) What do you mean? You got your match.  
  
Claire: I thought you Oak's were supposed to be better than that. I mean, your little rat   
dog barely put up a fight!  
  
Susan: Hey! Eevee's not a rat!  
  
Claire: Really? 'Cuz I wouldn't call that weak little thing a real pokemon.  
  
Susan: You stop talking about Eevee like that!  
  
Claire: Or what? You'll challenge me to another match? Feel free. Weepinbell's still   
good to go.  
  
(Susan lowers her head in shame.)  
  
Susan: I…ah…  
  
Claire: You do have other pokemon, don't you?  
  
Susan: I…I don't…  
  
(Claire stares at Susan, then breaks into peals of laughter.)  
  
Claire: You-you're serious? How can a trainer only have one pokemon? I mean, they'd   
have to be really bad or…  
  
(Claire stops laughing and looks questioningly at Susan. Susan blushes and looks away.   
Claire starts to laugh even harder and falls on the floor.)  
  
Claire: You just started?! I don't believe it! You're how old?!  
  
Susan: It's the law in Twerty City! We have to finish high school!  
  
Claire: Yeah, but, dang girl, there are seven-year-olds around here with pokemon.  
  
Susan: (small) Dad didn't want it interfering with my studies.  
  
(Claire looks up at Susan from here position on the floor.)  
  
Claire: Is this the same Mr. Oak who's keeping you in diapers?  
  
(Several people around the field laugh. Susan tears up.)  
  
Susan: They're wide bottomed panties!  
  
(Susan runs away, crying. Claire keeps laughing.)  
  
Claire: Behold! This is what the great Gary Oak has fathered! I wonder which girl it was   
with!  
  
(Susan disappears into the crowd.  
  
Switch to Merty standing by one of the concession stands, drinking out of a juice pack.   
Several teenagers start to gather around him.)  
  
Boy: Carenson, are you going to let that witch do that?  
  
Merty: Do what?  
  
Girl: Didn't you hear? That Ketchem girl completely humiliated Susan. You know, your   
girlfriend?  
  
(Merty freezes in place.)  
  
Merty: Oh. Yes. That.  
  
Girl #2: Are you going to defend her honor?  
  
Merty: What? She got beat in a pokemon match. What's the big deal?  
  
(One of the boys walks over to Merty and whispers something in his ear. Merty's eyes   
widen in surprise.)  
  
Merty: Wow, that is harsh.  
  
Boy #2: Yeah, well, go challenge her. Poor Sue didn't have any pokemon left herself.  
  
Merty: Now, wait a second. I don't think that it's my responsibility to-  
  
Girl #2: (to Girl #1) You know, there just aren't any good fish left in the sea. But Susan   
got herself a real small fry there.  
  
Boy #1: (to Boy #2) No wonder Sue's still a virgin.  
  
(Merty blushes in humiliation. He crumples the juice pack in his hand, squirting his left   
arm.)  
  
Merty: (sotto voice) Suffer humiliation or look like I'm Classmate Oak's boyfriend?   
Well, it was pretty mean to say those things. I knew I was going to kill somebody   
today…  
  
(Merty takes a deep breath, puffs up his chest, and marches off towards the center field.   
He walks up to Claire, still laughing to herself.)  
  
Merty: Claire Ketchem?  
  
Claire: Y-yes?  
  
(Off near by the wall, Susan is crying to herself. One of the teenaged girls walks up and   
taps her on her shoulder. Susan looks up to see Merty talking to Claire.)  
  
Susan: (sotto voice) Merty? Could he really be…? But I though he didn't…After what I   
did...?  
  
Merty: (obviously forcing the words) I, Merty Carenson, challenge you to a pokemon   
match, for unnecessarily humiliating my…my…girlfriend.  
  
Susan: (in estacy) He cares!  
  
(Claire stands up to face Merty.)  
  
Claire: I accept your challenge.  
  
(Switch to Merty and Claire facing each other across a field. The student/referee steps   
forward and holds up his left arm.)  
  
Student/Referee: This is a one on one pokemon match. Not time limit. The match ends   
when one pokemon is unable to battle or leaves the field.  
  
(The student/referee drops his left arm.)  
  
Student/Referee: Begin!  
  
(Claire reaches over towards her arm holster. She sees Merty pull out Rotodendrine's   
ball.)  
  
Claire: (sotto voice) That's one heavy-duty pokeball! (Out loud) May I select my   
pokemon first?  
  
Merty: Sure.  
  
(Claire pulls a pokeball off of her arm harness and pulls it behind her back, expanding it.   
Close up on her eyes, then shift over to the pokeball, just as she pitches it forward. Zoom   
out, to show Claire with her right arm thrown all the way out and her left leg swung out   
behind her.)  
  
Claire: I choose you, Hitmonlee!  
  
(A hitmonlee appears on the field in a flash of light. The pokeball flies back to Claire's   
hand. Hitmonlee falls into a tiger stance.)  
  
Merty: A hitmonlee? I hope whatever Professor Rotodendrine gave me, he was being   
humble.  
  
(Merty holds the Rotodendrine ball directly in front of him. He taps his index finger   
against the trigger, and the two slide locks open up. He holds the ball above his head and   
spins around in the place. All six of the yellow streaks discharge an energy field.   
Finishing the spin, he pulls the ball behind and tosses it out under hand.)  
  
Merty: Pokeball, go!  
  
(The ball lands on the field and opens up. A blinding flash of light fills the gym. Looking   
down, Merty notices that the Rotodendrine ball has not returned to him, but is lying out   
on the field. He walks out and picks it up.)  
  
Merty: I guess the professor loaded so much on this thing, the gravitational redirection   
systems can't work properly.  
  
(Around Merty, people start to laugh.)  
  
Claire: You used that monstrosity of a pokeball to hold that? This is even funnier than   
your girlfriend's rat-dog.  
  
(Merty looks down. In front of him in a magikarp, flopping on the ground. He slowly   
backs away from it, his eyes wide in shock and horror. The laughter grows louder.)  
  
Merty: (sotto voice) Oh please, oh please, oh please, let Prof. Rotodendrine have been   
humble. (Out loud, weakly) Start when you're ready.  
  
Claire: Hitmonlee, don't even waste your attacks on that. Just knock it out of bounds.  
  
(Hitmonlee shrugs, walks over to the magikarp, and kicks it away with the side of its   
foot. The magikarp is knocked aside, but not out of bounds. Hitmonlee walks over and   
prepares to kick it again.)  
  
Merty: (sotto voice) Even if it is a magikarp, the professor said it had the ability to fight!   
(Out loud) Magikarp, don't let Hitmonlee knock you out! Attack back or defend or…  
  
(Hitmonlee's foot descends towards magikarp.)  
  
Merty: (con't)…or just move!  
  
(Magikarp rolls out of the way of Hitmonlee's foot. Hitmonlee just kicks up some dust.   
Everyone, including Hitmonlee, stares at the magikarp dumbfounded.)  
  
Claire: Hitmonlee, it just got a lucky flop! Quit wasting time and kick it out!  
  
Merty: Do it again, Magikarp!  
  
(Hitmonlee tries to kick Magikarp again. Magikarp rolls out of the way again. Hitmonlee   
tries again repeatedly, only to have Magikarp roll out of the way every time. Both Claire   
and Hitmonlee sweatdrop. A look of confidence comes over Merty.)  
  
Merty: Now, Magikarp, fight back with your tackle!  
  
(Magikarp leans back on its tail and springs forward, head butting Hitmonlee in the knee.   
Hitmonlee clutches at its knee in pain. Magikarp falls to the ground into a somersault and   
rolls towards the center of the field. Hitmonlee recovers its composure and turns to face   
Magikarp.)  
  
Claire: Alright, then. I'll admit, you have to be a great trainer to get a magikarp to do   
even that…  
  
(Merty rubs the back of his head nervously.)  
  
Claire: (con't)…but Hitmonlee is an experienced pokemon, I am an experienced trainer,   
and we will not be made fools by the likes of you! Hitmonlee, attack it for real! Double   
kick!  
  
(Hitmonlee falls into a tiger stance, then charges Magikarp. Merty starts to panic.)  
  
Merty: Magikarp…um….splash?!  
  
Random crowd member: What's the use of splashing?  
  
(Magikarp to violently flop up and down. Hitmonlee suddenly stops its charge right in   
front of Magikarp and starts to snap a flurry of kicks at it. However, Magikarp's flopping   
places it above or below the kicks, no matter where Hitmonlee's aims. Hitmonlee   
blushes. Claire's left eye starts to twitch.)  
  
Claire: That's it. It's all just really good luck. It won't save him. Hitmonlee, fall back and   
meditate!  
  
(Hitmonlee jumps back to Claire's side and falls into a meditative stance.)  
  
Merty: Giving up?  
  
Claire: Just waiting to see if you can put on an offense as good as your defense.  
  
Merty: (to Magikarp) Do you think you can do more than a tackle?  
  
(Magikarp nods, what looks like a evil smile forming on its lips.)  
  
Random crowd member: Wow, it's almost like it's already evolved into Gyarados.   
  
Merty: That's it! Take down attack, magikarp!  
  
(Magikarp blinks, question marks appearing over its head.)  
  
Merty: A little advanced, huh? Okay, well, let's try bite!  
  
(Magikarp parts its lips, showing off a sharp dental arcade. It charges Hitmonlee by   
propelling itself forward on its caudal fins.)  
  
Claire: Just what we wanted. Move, Hitmonlee!  
  
(Hitmonlee wakes up from its meditation and flips over the charging magikarp, landing   
behind it. Magikarp stops and swerves around to face Hitmonlee.)  
  
Merty: You can it! Go for the eyes!  
  
(Magikarp pushes back on its tail and springs forward through the air.)  
  
Claire: Like we did with gliger, Hitmonlee! Upside down double kick!  
  
(Hitmonlee slides down under Magikarp. It lifts itself up on its hands and kicks Magikarp   
in the underside. While Magikarp is stunned, Hitmonlee pops up into the air and delivers   
a second kick to Magikarp's rear. Magikarp sprawls back to Merty's side. Hitmonlee   
lands on the ground in a black crane stance. Magikarp picks itself up and slowly turns to   
face Hitmonlee, obviously hurt and dazed.)  
  
Claire: Time to finish it, but let's not take any chances! Use your jump kick!  
  
(Hitmonlee starts to charge Magikarp. Magikarp just stumbles about, still dazed.)  
  
Merty: Magikarp, snap out of it! You've got to counter-attack!  
  
(Hitmonlee launches itself into the air and begins to descend towards Magikarp.   
Magikarp is starting to shake off the fuzz.)  
  
Merty: Magikarp, I know you can do it! You've proven that you can! Splash, Magikarp,   
splash!  
  
Random crowd member: What's the use of…  
  
Another random crowd member: (int.) Dave, we've already had this situation.  
  
(Hitmonlee extends its foot towards Magikarp. Magikarp snaps back to reality just in   
time to see Hitmonlee about to hit. Hitmonlee lands, causing a large explosion of dust.)  
  
Merty: NO!  
  
Claire: YES!  
  
(The dust cloud drifts away dramatically. Hitmonlee is in a dramatic finishing pose, its   
attack foot stuck in the ground. Magikarp is flopping on top of Hitmonlee's head. Claire   
lifts up her hands in grief, tears streaming down her face.)  
  
Claire: NO!  
  
Merty: YES! Magikarp, bite now!  
  
(Magikarp straightens itself in mid-flop and lands jaw first on Hitmonlee's forehead,   
biting in. After a pause, Hitmonlee clutches at Magikarp and starts to run about the field,   
tears of pain welling up in its eyes. Several crowd members start laughing, causing a vein   
in Claire's forehead in show. Hitmonlee finally pulls Magikarp off and throws it down   
field. Hitmonlee starts to run towards Claire in panic.)  
  
Claire: Are you trying to leave the match?! Why?  
  
(Hitmonlee starts to vigorously nodded and holds up a crayon picture of Magikarp with   
an oni face and an evil aura.)  
  
Claire: You're being ridiculous! It maybe good, but we can still win! No way can tuna   
kick your butt!  
  
Merty's voice: Final tackle!  
  
Claire: Huh?  
  
(Magikarp head butts Hitmonlee in the small of its back, knocking it into Claire and out   
of bounds. They both fall over.)  
  
Claire: Okay, so maybe we did just get our butts kicked by tuna.  
  
(The student referee nervously raises his hand towards Merty.)  
  
Referee: H-Hitmonlee is out of bounds. Magikarp…is the winner.  
  
(An odd silence permeates the gym. Merty pulls out the Rotodendrine ball and aims it at   
Magikarp.)  
  
Merty: …Return, Magikarp.  
  
(Nothing happens. Merty gives a nonplussed smile and walks over to Magikarp. He taps   
Magikarp with the ball, which opens up and sucks Magikarp in. Merty holds up the ball   
and looks at it.)  
  
Merty: Ummm…..  
  
(The crowd gives a wild cheer and surges forward to Merty. They pick him up and start   
to take him around on a victory lap. Susan runs towards Merty with stars in her eyes.)  
  
Susan: Merty, I can't believe you did all that for me!  
  
(The crowd passes her by without giving her any notice.)  
  
Susan: Merty?  
  
(In the crowd, one of the boys holding Merty leans up towards his ear.)  
  
Boy: That was some battle, Carenson.  
  
Merty: Yeah…yeah…Pretty good for a first time, eh?  
  
Boy: Heh…Must be the power of your love for Sue.  
  
(Merty's eyes shrink to pinpricks.)  
  
Boy #2: Conquering impossible odds in her name. I thought stuff like that only happened   
in girl's comics. Rather romantic.  
  
Boy: (yelling) Let all who doubt Merty and Susan's love witness this miracle!  
  
Random crowd members: This was all about love? Wow, just like in Pretty Killer   
Princess Honey Dew! How about that, all in the name of love.  
  
Merty: (sotto voice) There goes damage control…  
  
Boy: Hey, where is Sue?  
  
(Cut back to the Carenson household, late at night. In the upstairs hallway. Merty's   
parents, dressed for bed, are staring at him in surprise.)  
  
Mr. Carenson: A journey? Yesterday, you practically hated training.  
  
Merty: Well, I've had a turning around. Besides, I should get out of town and see the   
world.  
  
Mrs. Carenson: But so soon? You won't even wait for graduation?  
  
Merty: They can mail the diploma. And I need to see the world, very quickly.  
  
Mr. Carenson: Well, I guess there really isn't anything wrong with it…It's just really a   
surprise and all…  
  
Merty: Thanks for understanding.  
  
(Merty starts to walk back towards his room.)  
  
Mrs. Carenson: You never did tell us what pokemon you got from Professor   
Rotodendrine.  
  
(Merty stops and cringes.  
  
Cut to a pokemon center dormitory. Claire is sitting up in bed, twitching her left eye and   
exuding a Takehashi-esque aura of evil.)  
  
Claire: (sotto voice) Merty Carenson…For this humiliation…I will repay you in full!  
  
(A loud "bang" comes from outside the room.)  
  
Nurse Joy's voice: Stop it with the battle aura of death! You blew out the television   
during the top ten list!  
  
Claire: (small)…sorry…  
  
---  
TO BE CONTINUE   



	2. The Forced Chapter

Merty and the Magikarp: Episode Two  
A Pokemon FanFic  
By Cruton (cruton@juno.com)  
  
Pokemon and all concepts thereof are a copyright of the Nintendo Corporation. Satoshi Tajiri created the original concept. Based on the animated series "Pokemon", developed by Satoshi Tajiri and Tsunekazu Ishihara.  
  
This is the part where I throw you a bunch of BS about this fic not actually "stealing point blank", but being created as a "tribute to the original series."  
  
------------------------------  
  
(Open on a glade in a forest. A tent is located in the center. Off to the side, the remains of a fire are smoking lazily. In the distance, a flock of pidgey takes off all at once. A figure moves through the woods, hidden by the shadows. A glint of metal flashes from its hands.)  
  
Merty (voice over): My name is Merty Carenson. Of late, my life has been subject to unusual circumstance. Nothing epic, but certainly not standard fair.  
  
(The figure moves into the clearing towards the tent, the camera focusing on its shadow. Water splashes on the ground as its passes.)  
  
Merty (voice over): First, my plans for higher education have been derailed for financial reasons, driving me to pokemon training. Second, my first pokemon is a magikarp; moreover, this magikarp is a genetic experiment which I have been paid to test in a pokemon journey. Fortunately, this is as weird as it gets.  
  
(The figure carefully undoes the zipper for the tent and pulls back the door flap. Its shadow is cast on the sleep form of Merty.)  
  
Merty (voice over): To make this more like a bad funny book, a former classmate of mine, Susan Oak, has quite effectively spread about my home town of Twerty City a rumor that we are an item. Instead of going through the lengthy and difficult process of disproving this, I have chosen to avoid Twerty City until it has blown over. Thankfully, I managed to leave town without her noticing.  
  
(The figure looms over Merty and lifts up a large blunt object, the glint of metal coming off of it.)  
  
Merty (voice over): At least I don't have to worry about anything from that Ketchem girl. She looked pissed at me.  
  
-----------  
  
Episode title: A New "Friend", A New Guard, and New Worries.  
  
----------  
  
(Water splashes al over Merty, causing him to shoot out of bed. He looks up to see to see Claire standing over him with a now empty bucket.)  
  
Claire: Good morning.  
  
(Merty simply stares at her in shock. She extends a hand towards him.)  
  
Claire: Need a hand up?  
  
(Merty gives a 'yelp' and scrambled towards the back of the tent. The back wall falls in under his weight, causing the tent to collapse on him. Claire pulls out of the way. Merty pulls the tent off of himself.)  
  
Merty: What are you doing here?!  
  
Claire: (thinking) To flay you alive for the dishonor you have brought upon me! To defeat your demon of the fish and once again be a great pokemon trainer! To settle all things that you may once more be the pond scum, and I may once more be la victor! (out loud, incredibly sweet) To help you, Merty!  
  
(Merty stares at Claire. He starts to back away.)  
  
Merty: Miss, are you on drugs?  
  
Claire: What are you talking about, Merty?  
  
Merty: Well, Miss, the last time we met, I defeated you in a pokemon battle. You seemed to be rather bitter on that point.  
  
Claire: Well, maybe I was a little surprised and perturbed, Merty.  
  
Merty: I didn't get a good look at you because of the victory parade...  
  
(Claire silently cringes. Merty does not notice.)  
  
Merty: (con't)...but I did get a glance at you. And you were starting to emit an, well, I guess one could call it a 'battle aura of absolute destruction'.  
  
Claire: Now that's just silly.  
  
Merty: I guess. But still, you did not look happy at all. A little more than "surprised and perturbed." So, this means you had a dramatic mood swing. This could best be accounted for by stimulants.  
  
Claire: Well, no, I'm not.  
  
Merty: Then I ask once more, what are you doing here?  
  
Claire: And I say once more, I'm here to help you.  
  
Merty: Now, Ms. Ketchem, I've got the strange feeling that we've already talked about-  
  
Claire: (int., matter-of-fact) I was very impressed by how your magikarp battled. For a pokemon that's normally weak it fought amazingly well, despite the relative inexperience of the trainer. Unless the Twerty City public records are wrong, and you are more than a beginning trainer.  
  
Merty: You read through my government file?  
  
Claire: (confidently) That's right, Mertamore Blaire Carenson. I thought I should know a bit about the boy I'm going to coach.  
  
Merty: I'm pretty sure that such an arrangement requires mutual consent.  
  
Claire: And why wouldn't you want a coach? Your magikarp got lucky that one time, but you can't expect for it to be strong against everything out there. It's a tough league, and I've been through it.  
  
(Merty starts to pack up the tent.)  
  
Merty: True, Miss Ketchem. If I was planning to be a pokemon trainer. But this is just a short-term thing. Then I go home, go to college, and go on with the rest of my life.  
  
Claire: C'mon, Merty, At least gimme a chance. Even for a short-term thing, it wouldn't hurt to try at it. You're training that fish for some reason. Why not do a good job at it? (thinking) Take the bait, take the bait! While I pretend to coach him, I can study his techniques and abilities. And then...  
  
(Enter Claire's daydream sequence: The screen is bordered by flames, with pieces of samurai armor in the corners.   
  
Merty is fighting a pokemon battle against Claire. Merty is using Magikarp, and Claire is using Hitmonlee.)  
  
Merty: Magikarp, attack!  
  
Claire: Not so fast! Hitmonlee, counter-attack!  
  
(Magikarp charges Hitmonlee with unbelievable speed. Suddenly, Hitmonlee side-steps Magikarp, pulls out a paper fan, and starts to mercilessly beat it. Claire laughs triumphantly.)  
  
Claire: You fool, Carenson! Now that I've studied your moves, I am once again your superior!  
  
Merty: No!  
  
(Merty falls backwards and disappears over a spontaneously appearing cliff-side. Hitmonlee puts away the paper fan, ties a ribbon around his forehead, and pulls out a pair of ginshu knives. Claire continues to laugh.  
  
End Claire's daydream sequence. Claire smiles maniacally.)  
  
Claire (still kinda out-there): And that's what will happen!  
  
(Claire puts the back of her hand over her mouth and laughs. Merty, for some reason, doesn't notice this.)  
  
Merty: You know, on second thought, maybe this wouldn't be such a bad idea. I suppose I should put my full into training Magikarp. (thinking) Of course, I'll be all by myself with this girl...traveling through the wilderness...no other human contact for weeks at a time...I could sweep her off her feet with the ol' Carenson charm. And then...  
  
(Enter Merty's daydream sequence. The screen is bordered by theatrical curtains, with a wooden stage at the bottom.   
  
Merty and Claire are sitting around a campfire at night. Merty has a cheesy mustache and goatee and is a bit more muscular than normal. Claire's clothes are all pink and her hair is worn down. Cheesy porno music is playing in the background. Claire checks through her bag.)  
  
Claire (more effeminate that usual): Oh no, Merty! I can't find my sleeping bag!  
  
Merty (slyly, deeper than usual): Oh, really?  
  
(Merty pushes a sleep bag away with his foot. Claire dramatically places the back of her hand across her forehead.)  
  
Claire: Oh, woe is I! For now I must sleep on the cold, cold ground.  
  
(Merty is suddenly holding her in his arms.)  
  
Merty: Do not worry. We can share my sleeping bag.  
  
Claire: Oh,. Merty...  
  
(Cherry blossoms fill the scene.  
  
Exit Merty's daydream sequence. Claire is still laughing her head off. Merty is smiling in a very horny manner.)  
  
Merty (still kinda out-there): And that's what will happen!  
  
(Merty places the back of his hand across his mouth and giggles disturbingly. Suddenly, Merty and Claire stop and look at each out of the corner of their eyes. The spin around, smiles plastered on their faces, and simultaneously extend their hands.)  
  
Claire: Is it a deal then?  
  
Merty: Indubitably.  
  
(They shake hands.  
  
Cut to a road leading through the woods. Two figures are walking along. One is dressed entirely in knee-length robes with a wide-brim straw hat concealing his face. The other figure, apparently female, is dressed in jeans and a blue blouse with a baseball cap covering her face. They are both carrying heavy backpacks. When the robed figure speaks, he has a masculine voice.)  
  
Robed figure: Oh, woe be unto us, rejected by our fellows and set to wander the world in search of our salvation!  
  
(The blouse figure lowers her head and sighs.)  
  
Blouse figure: I can understand the depression. I can understand the melodramatic costume. By why, oh why, the continuous soliloquies?!  
  
Robed figure: A result of the build up of both depression and the desire to act?  
  
Blouse figure: At least there's a reason.  
  
(Pause. They continue walking.)  
  
Robed figure: Can I try another soliloquy? It's a different theme.  
  
Blouse figure: What?  
  
Robed: "We're lost in the middle of nowhere with no prospect for survival supplies."  
  
Blouse: Now, that's not accurate at all.  
  
Robed: Oh so?  
  
Blouse: Yes. Because, realizing that we live in a technologically advanced society where teleportation and satellite videophones are commercial products, I went out and bought a global positioning device.  
  
(The blouse figure whips out a small piece of hand-held electronics.)  
  
Blouse: And it says that we're about a mile and a half from the next town.  
  
Robed: And food and the some such?  
  
Blouse: I took a course in roughing it when I was younger. My dad thought it would be useful for some reason.  
  
(Grudgingly, the robed figure pulls off the robe and hat. Underneath, he is a moderately well built male with close-cropped red hair, emerald green eyes, and an unusually pointed nose. He is dressed in khakis and a t-shirt, with a plain yellow bandana tied around his head and a backpack. He stares at the woman indignantly.)  
  
Man: Well, thank you for stealing my thunder, Jess.  
  
(The woman quickly whips off her hat and bows dramatically, letting us get a good look at her for the first time. She has a lean, flowing features. Her eyes are pale green, framed by steel-rimmed glasses. Her hair is light blue, tied back in a small ponytail.)  
  
Jess: My pleasure, Jamie.  
  
(Jamie sniffs and turns away, continuing on the path. Jess put her hat back on, jogs up to him, and continues walking as well, draping her arm on his shoulders.)  
  
Jess: Oh, don't be like that.  
  
Jamie: I don't enjoy being mocked. Some of us are trying to make legitimate careers for ourselves.  
  
Jess: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just don't quit your day job on me.  
  
(Jamie stops and looks down at the ground. Jess jerks to a stop and stares at him.)  
  
Jamie: Oh, who are we kidding. What day job? We should just stop now; we got fired and that's that.  
  
Jess: Listen to me....  
  
(Jess takes Jamie's chin in her hand and jerks his head around to face.)  
  
Jess: Listen to me. Don't think stuff like that. We are going to get to town, we are going to find dad's storage locker, and we are going to prove to all those Team Rocket snobs wrong. Got that?  
  
Jamie: I guess...if you say so...  
  
Jess: I do. Now, c'mon.  
  
(Jess marches off through the woods, dragging Jamie along with her.  
  
Cut to a town. People are milling about, shopping, playing, and running errands. A sign off to the side says:  
  
"Welcome to Topasidiocite Town. See our ad in Variety."  
  
Merty and Claire walk into town, carrying camping gear.)  
  
Merty: So.... you just want to help me train? You're not looking for payment or anything like that?  
  
Claire: Well, it would be nice of you to spring for pokeballs once in a while.  
  
Merty: I guess I can do that.  
  
Claire: And maybe we could pool our money for potions and such.  
  
Merty: Makes sense.  
  
Claire: And, of course, you'll pay for my daily manicure, massage, and face-lift.  
  
Merty: What?!  
  
Claire: Joke. Humor. You know humor, yes? I'd hate to think my charge was such a dork that he doesn't recognize a joke.  
  
Merty: Oh, yes, humor! Funny, yes...humor...yeah...  
  
(Merty gives a weak, forced laugh. Claire smirks evilly. They walk down the street to the pokemon center. Across from the pokemon center is a storage locker park. Jess and Jamie are rummaging through one of them.)  
  
Jamie: Geez, you dad really, really liked his bottle caps.  
  
Jess: Probably why mom forbade us from buying soda in bottles. Ah, here we go...  
  
(Jess pulls out a roll of paper and looks at it. She makes a low whistle. Jamie looks over he shoulder.)  
  
Jamie: Eh...Kick ass...  
  
Jess: How could Giovanni fire him if he pumping out stuff like that...?  
  
Jamie: Probably the expenses. Parts were more expensive back then. I mean, there is such a thing as breaking even.  
  
(Jamie turns away from the paper and digs into the locker.)  
  
Jamie: Hey, there are more designs in here.  
  
Jess: A bit more confidant about my plans?  
  
Jamie: That would be a 'yes'...what's this?  
  
(Jess glances over towards the pokemon center and sees Merty and Claire.)  
  
Jess: (thinking) Claire Ketchem! The lone girl who disgraced over a hundred of Team Rocket's agents! Augh, this is the perfect chance to redeem ourselves and all we've got are bluepri-  
  
Jamie: (int.) I think dear old dad left a bit more than just plans in here.  
  
Jess: What?  
  
(Jess turns back around looks into the storage locker.)  
  
Jess:...I like the color, to say the least.  
  
(Cut to the interior of the Pokemon center. Trainers are milling about, talking on videophones, or taking naps. Merty is looking through a rack of travel brochures. Claire is talking to Nurse Joy.)  
  
Claire: So, if I take Route 78 that'll get to me to Celadon right?  
  
Joy: Yes, but its not the fastest way. If you take Route 65, then angle north when you meet with Route 24, you reach Old Shore City. From there, you can take the train to Celadon. It's faster and less walking time.  
  
Claire: Well, we're on a training journey. 'Easy' shouldn't be in our travel plans.  
  
Joy: Oh, if that's the case, take Route 102. You go through the forest for a bit, than opens up onto the plains. After a little while, it angles off into the Rivendall woods, then curved around towards Celadon. It's a long way around, but I've heard that the Rivendall woods has some really tough trainers and even a few recently identified species of Pokemon.  
  
Claire: Oh, that's perfect!  
  
Merty: (overhearing) Wait, did you say the Rivendall Woods?  
  
Joy: Yes.  
  
Merty: That's where Prof. Eve recently unearthed what they think is a Pokemopolitan temple! I'd love to see that!  
  
Claire: What, just see some temple?  
  
Merty: (mimicking Claire) What, just catch a few pokemon and challenge some trainers?  
  
(Pause.)  
  
Claire: Agreed, then! We're Rivendall bound!  
  
Joy: Well, technically Celadon bound.  
  
Claire: Semantics, semantics.  
  
(The doors at the front of the center suddenly explode, raining glass through the hall. Everyone hits the deck. A small ball rolls in and explodes, filling room with think gray smoke.)  
  
Claire: What's this?  
  
Merty: Overzealous encyclopedia salesmen?  
  
Jess's voice: We're not that desperate for money yet, boy.  
  
Jamie's voice: To be honest, though, it's not a bad idea.  
  
(Within the smoke, there are sounds of physical violence. The smoke clears away, revealing Jess and Jamie dressed in dark purple armor, with dark red 'R's painted on their chests. Tinted goggles and mouth pieces similar to the rest of their armor conceal their faces. Jess has a bandoleer of yellow pellets strapped around her chest, while Jamie has what looks like an exaggerated mortar launcher hung by a shoulder strap. Jess is doing a comic-book-esque pose, while Jamie is nursing a nasty bump on his head.)  
  
Jess: Prepare for trouble!  
  
Jamie: Ow....and make that double, I guess.  
  
(Jess shots Jamie a dirty look. He sweatdrops and gets in the same pose as Jess.)  
  
Jess: To grow through societal deviation!  
  
Jamie: To unite all pokemon in our collection!  
  
Jess: To denounce the notion of fair play!  
  
Jamie: To correct what the standards say!  
  
Jess: Bandit D-ko!  
  
Jamie: Bandit E-ko!  
  
Jess: Squad Bandit, defeating you at the speed of light!  
  
Jamie: Give up now or draw a knife!  
  
(Pause.)  
  
Jess: (to Jamie) Do it...  
  
Jamie: But-  
  
Jess: (int.) Do it!  
  
(With great reluctance, Jamie pulls out a Meowth hand puppet and puts it on.)  
  
Jamie: (via the puppet) Meowth, that's right!  
  
Merty: Squad Bandit...?  
  
Claire: Wait a minute! If you're called Squad Bandit, then why do you have the Team Rocket symbol painted on your uniforms?  
  
Jess: Um...well, you see...  
  
Jamie: We got these second hand.  
  
(Jess stares at Jamie. He shrugs.)  
  
Jamie: It's the truth.  
  
Joy: Please, just..What do you want?  
  
Jess: What else? We want your pokemon, and we're not leaving 'til we get them. Especially...(points to Claire)...hers.  
  
(Claire reaches towards her arm holster.)  
  
Claire: So, you want a battle, do ya'?  
  
Jess: Who ever said that?  
  
(Jess whips one of the pellets at Claire just as she reaches to grab a pokeball. The pellet explodes into paste, trapping Claire's hand and covering her pokeballs. The other trainers send out their pokemon.)  
  
Jamie: Oh, not so fast!  
  
(Jamie turns and starts firing on the attacking pokemon. Bolts of energy streak out of his gun, stunning the pokemon. Merty and Claire jump behind the counter with Nurse Joy. Merty pulls out the Rotodendrine Ball out of his poke. Claire stops him.)  
  
Claire: What are you doing?  
  
Merty: We have to stop them, right?  
  
Claire: Hello? They have a fmeckin' energy blaster!  
  
Merty: It can't be that powerful! I'm sure a properly trained pokemon could stop them!  
  
(As if on que, a badly burned golem goes flying out the desk and slams into the backrooms. Merty stares in shock. Claire nods sagely.)  
  
Claire: You know, the way mom tells the stories, dad would take these two on, even if he had no chance, believing totally in his pokemon's abilities.  
  
Merty: Then...  
  
Claire: Dad's stinking rich, yet he lives in a small cottage in a podunk back water village. (to Nurse Joy) Where's the back door?  
  
(Cut to the exterior of the pokemon center. Streams of fire, bolts of lightning, and stun blasts are randomly exploding from the front of the building. In the alley behind it, Claire, Merty, and Nurse Joy, along with a bevy of other trainers, run out of a backdoor. They scattered in all directions. Claire and Merty head back towards the front street.)  
  
Claire: We have to steal a car!  
  
Merty: Steal a car?!  
  
Claire: They're after me specifically. The heroes will delay them, but it's best to assume that, if they carry that kind of ordienance, they at least brought a car. Ergo, to get far enough, we need wheels.  
  
Merty: Look, this isn't a go-  
  
Claire: Don't worry; I know how to hotwire one. Read about it on the info-net.  
  
(Claire runs up to a parked car.)  
  
Merty: That's not my point!  
  
Claire: Look, you took me on as a coach, right?  
  
Merty: Yeah. So wha-  
  
Claire: And one should listen to their coach. Now, break in the window.  
  
(Beat. Merty stares at Claire in shock.)  
  
Claire: I've got my right hand glued to my left arm. Of course you have to do it!  
  
(Cut back to the inside of the pokemon center. All around, pokemon and their trainers are either stunned or glued to the wall. Jess and Jamie stands in the middle of the room, triumphent.)  
  
Jess: ...Where's Ketchem?  
  
Jamie: I don't know. She must've escaped.  
  
Jess: Dangit! Come on, we can't lose her!  
  
Jamie: But what about these pokemon, here? Pretty good haul, I'd say.  
  
(Jess grabs Jamie's arm and drags him to the what's left of the door.)  
  
Jess: This is about pride, not money! It's Ketchem or nothing!  
  
Jamie: But...money is also useful...  
  
(Jess and Jamie run out onto the street, just in time to see Merty and Claire speed away. They run over to a man just getting out of his car.)  
  
Man: What do you want?  
  
Jess: Look, can you civilly give us your keys or do we have to go Guy Richie on you?  
  
(Beat.)  
  
Man: Who?  
  
Jess: I don't know. It just came out...  
  
(The man, much bewildered, hands his keys to Jess and slowly backs away. Jess and Jamie load into the car and speed after Claire and Merty.  
  
Cut to a lazy highway. Merty and Claire's car comes speeding down the street eratically. Inside, Merty is panicing behind the wheel, while Claire is trying to pull her hand out of the glue.)  
  
Claire: I thought you said you could drive!  
  
Merty: I can! But I'm new to highway driving!  
  
(Claire curses under her breathe and looks in the rear-view mirror. Behind them, Team Bandit's car to catching up. Jamie opens up the sun roof and fires at them with the stun blaster. Merty gives a 'yelp' and swerves to avoid it; the bolt leaves a sizeable pot hole in their stead. Jamie tries to lock onto them.)  
  
Merty: Claire, you have to get one of your pokemon out, somehow! We're sitting ducks.  
  
(A blast strikes a few feet from the fender. Merty goes into a swerve.)  
  
Claire: What do you think I'm doing?!  
  
Merty: It was just a suggestion.  
  
(A third blast touches down by Claire's door. The car swerves away from it and grinds against the guard rail.)  
  
Claire: Okay, enough of this!  
  
Merty: Good. Now what do you have in mi-  
  
(Claire starts to emit a low growl. Several veins along her temples bulge out. The mass of glue on her arm glows bright blue, then shatters.)  
  
Merty: (shell-shocked) -nd...  
  
Claire: Now to get down to business!  
  
(Claire opens up their own sun roof and stands up on her seat. She pulls a pokeball off of her holster. Jamie shoulders the stun blaster and aims it right at her. Claire smirks and opens the pokeball.)  
  
Claire: Go, Wobbafet!  
  
(Wobbafet appears on the rear window the car; Claire grabs onto him and holds him in place. Jamie fires the stun blast with dead-on accuracy.)  
  
Claire: Wobbafet, counter-attack!  
  
(Just as the blast is about to hit, the bolt stops in mid-air, enclosed by a shell of red energy. It holds like that for a moment, then fires off back towards Team Bandit. Jamie's eyes widen in shock and he pounds on the roof of the car. It swerves away to dodge the blast. Jess hands up a hand full of glue pellets.)  
  
Jess: Use these. It can't focus on this many targets at once.  
  
Jamie: Right!  
  
(Jamie rears back and throws the pellets ahead of Merty and Clair. They descend right towards the car.)  
  
Claire: Not so fast! Go, Hounduar!  
  
(Claire pulls off another pokeball and lets a hounduar out of it. The dog lands with its back feet on Merty's lap and its front feet hanging onto the edge of the sun roof. Its breathes out a gout of flame, burning away the pellets. Claire turns around just in time to see Jamie firing on them again.)  
  
Claire: Wobbafet, another counter-attack! Hounduar, help it with a flamethrower!  
  
(Hounduar turns itself around, trampling Merty in the process. Wobbafet sends the blast back at Team Bandit, while Hounduar lets loose another wave of fire. The two attacks strike Team Bandit's car, causing it to explode. Jess and Jamie go flying through the air.)  
  
Jamie: I know we lost, but this situation feels right.  
  
Jess: ...You still got the meowth doll?  
  
Jamie: Er...no...  
  
Jess: Damn. Well, now our task is clear. The only way to reclaim the respect of our former comrades is to beat that girl!  
  
Jamie: Maybe. But next time, let's not use any explosive equipment.  
  
Jess: Wuss.  
  
(The two of them disappear over the horizon.  
  
Cut to Merty and Claire walking along the roadway. Merty is carrying a hurt Hounduar.)  
  
Claire: How could you crash? Nobody was shooting at you anymore!  
  
Merty: A hounduar was doing a victory dance on my crotch! How would you react?  
  
Claire: With calm and reserve. It seems I have more to teach you than simple training.  
  
(Beat.)  
  
Merty: Say...As long as we're questioning each other, what was that trick you did with the glue?  
  
Claire: Er...(sweetly) Would you believe I'm telekinetically gifted?  
  
(Merty hangs his head in resignation.)  
  
Merty: Karma. It's has to be karma...  
  
FIN  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
I want to go on record right now as saying I was coerced into finishing this chapter. Puritan work ethic? I have none.  
  
Cruton@juno.com 


End file.
